I have put off revealing my SI until now for one very good reason: once I start talking about it, I find it very hard to stop. Even though the more rational side of me understands that other people find it utterly boring, I just couldn’t help myself. Now that I’m older and wiser, I find it easier to look for clues that the other person is trying to either escape or throttle me (an over-exaggeration, now I can usually pick up on their thoughts before it comes to that). Usually however, I just don’t ever mention it, unless of course it is brought up by the other party. I guess that over time, I have learnt empathy.
One of my most important mantras is that if you don’t like it done to you, don’t do it to others or treat others as you expect to be treated. Well, I can’t stand it when people I know (who I am almost certain have Aspergers) go on and on about something that interests me about as much as the salt content of bird droppings. I stand there nodding and making various sounds that suggest interest, but inside I am looking for a way out (and a way to regain that time lost). Gradually I realised that I was doing that to others, which meant that I now try not to get drawn into my SI. I guess that this kind of empathy comes naturally to NT’s, but I had to put a great deal of effort into knowing when not to bore people with my passion. Bearing these lessons in mind, I am going to try and keep my SI under control in this blog, though due to its nature, it has already well and truly permeated the entire blog. Well, here goes…
I actually have several SI’s. This seems to be unusual in those with Aspergers. None of the literature on Aspergers mentions multiple SI’s. Usually an Aspie will have one subject that consumes them and upon which they focus all of their energy. I used to have one SI: Japan. Sadly that one got me into a lot of trouble. I loved Japanese culture and in fact pretty much everything about the country. However, I have already mentioned that I don’t like travel (except under certain circumstances, but that’s complicated). You can probably already see where I am going with this. Actually getting there caused me a great deal of internal conflict and led to the emotional equivalent of a stroke. For me that tainted the whole thing and for a while I couldn’t even thing about it. I still have a soft spot for Japan, but it is nowhere near an SI.
After that turmoil, I didn’t have an SI for about a month, and let me tell you now, that was a really unpleasant experience. It was like I was like being without sight. It just felt wrong. Without something to pour my passion into I felt utterly lost. I had nothing to retreat into when things inevitably got tough. You can’t force an SI; essentially you have to let it find you. I was still cautious about being destroyed by an SI, until I remembered something that I learnt in economic s at school. The concept of ‘risk bearing economies’ is essentially that you shouldn’t put all of your eggs in one basket. If you drop that basket then you have no eggs for tea. If you put them in many, then one dropped means that you still have some. Well I applied that theory to my SI’s, as well as other parts of my life. Now, whenever something really interests me, I fully explore it (like an SI) but I divvy up my time between many subjects. One is Psychology, especially the human mind and how it can be read. This is actually a very useful SI as it helps me to deal with society and people, an area that Aspies are by nature, deficient in. Another SI is history. I absolutely love it, though I’m not going to specify which parts as I could go on forever. I would also classify bushcraft skills as an SI. Finally, I love learning about the world and its different cultures. This one is done with a great deal of caution; it is almost entirely theoretical rather than practical. One day I might get struck by wanderlust, but for now I am simply content to absorb knowledge indirectly.
I really must stop now before I get sucked into the giant, tumbling snowball that are my SI’s. That’s probably the best way to describe an Aspie’s SI. It gains momentum, an unstoppable goliath, absorbing all of the time, energy and focus that cross its path. If it is stopped, it causes a great deal of damage. Personally, I’m happy jumping between several and I have more than enough zeal for them.
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