Why practice doesn't always make perfect.

I have a fear of travel, a sort of separation anxiety from my home. When I say travel, I mean staying a night or more away from home. It's a fairly powerful fear, but not overpowering. I don't fear and hate all travel. Indeed there are many circumstances in which I enjoy it. I don't do it that often and certainly less than I used to, which leads me to believe that my parents fear it will develop into agoraphobia. Let me put this hypothesis to rest. Granted that the decreasing frequency could be alarming; but is not what it looks like. I have hated (I mean really hated) being away from home for as long as I can remember. However, this dislike has not increased; I have merely become more willing and able to say no. I remember being miserable as a child because I thought it was what normal people do and didn't want to let down my parents. Now I realise that that was wrong and it has enabled me to find some happiness. My parents still want me to travel, yet I am in control and I chose when I want to make the leap.
This resistance is sometimes construed as an inability and their suggestion is that I should do it to get some practice, because that will make it easier. They are wrong; but not through neglect or ignorance. Practice can make perfect, but not in this situation. When I was doing it a lot it made me unhappy, and the more I did it the more miserable that I became. It is a feature as built into me as my liver, and no amount of practice is going to change what is such a fundamental part of my being. It can (and often used to) only lead to pain and misery. I can and will do it, but only how, when and where I want to and in circumstances of my choosing. I am perfectly happy not to suffer from wanderlust, and any attempt to make me develop it will not be for my benefit. Sometimes you just have to accept someone for who they are. This is not something that can be rectified any more than a man flapping his arms in an attempt to fly would be.Well, I wasn't born with 'wings', but don't worry for me, for I am happy this way

John Galliano, Racism and Offence

Last week fashion designer John Galliano was taped making some very anti-Semitic remarks, which stirred up a debate about anti-Semitism and racism in general. I don't agree with racism of any kind, but I don't understand why people get so worked up about it. Let me clarify my point; racist words and comments, not racist violence or acts. The latter are in-excusable and should be reacted to harshly. I have been racially abused on several occasions, and since there was little threat of violence, I laughed at it. What do I care what these pratts think. I don't know them, and if they are stupid enough to believe what they are saying, then I definitely do not want to know them. What I did not do want react negatively. That seems to be what they always want, so why reward them. They just move on when they realise the futility of it. To me you can only be offended if you let yourself become offended. You are letting a negative emotion get to you and thus you are losing something, not them. It is like the old saying "I am rubber, you are glue" which people seem to forget as they get older. By reacting, you are suffering unnecessarily.
Being an aspie, I generally don't care what other people think of me (I follow rules and morals and try to be a good person, I am not a total arsehole). I think this is one of the reasons why I was immune to social pressure, and it's one of the blessings of my condition. You don't have to be on the autistic spectrum to be immune to offence. David Brazier in "Zen Therapy: A Buddhist approach to psychotherapy" puts this view into words better than I can. He stated that "if someone insults me..., the ire which may arise in me is not caused by the insult. The insult is simply the trigger which has brought my pre-existing susceptibility to the surface" (page 161 for anyone interested). Bender from Futurama's quote "when will people learn that all humans are equally inferior to robots" to me seems to be one of the cleverest on any animated show. Me? Well I may be close to being a misanthrope, but I believe in the superiority of one race: the Human race. Who cares about anyone else.

My first post.

Well, here it is, the moment when fingure meets keyboard and I begin this weird and slightly unnerving pastime. It will be OK in the end I guess. At least it is not a face to face discussion. Social interaction has always been difficult for me. My family would be forgiven for thinking that my aspergers has gotten worse with age. It hasn't; it has stayed the same. As I have grown up the social situations have become more intense and complicated. Adults are expected to do things like paying bills, taking out loans, developing serious relationships, dealing with companies, employers, employees, etc. that kids just don't. Also, as a child, if you are slightly quirky, no one really notices, yet as an adult you are expected to live a certain life. Don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about an inability to follow rules (as an aspie I love rules and regulations). However, you are expected to be normal, that is move out of your parents house, develop a million social contacts deemed friends (technically people usually have under a hundred social contacts who could really be called friends, but claim they have so many more), develop an intimate relationship with someone of the opposite sex (or even the same sex) and develop an active career.
And me? I would die if my parents told me to move out (I am lucky to have the parents that I do). That's not even an over exaggeration, I really would not be able to cope and no, I could not learn how to, my brain just isn't wired that way. It would be like living without a digestive tract. I have acute social anxiety and again it's how I was born. However I am perfectly happy being by myself. The above of course preclude me from say becoming a lawyer or banker and moving to the city. Again, I couldn't care less. I have accepted who I am and my limitations. I have ambition that is tampered by realism. I have tried to be ambitious several times in my life and it almost killed me. In accepting my limitations I am finally starting to be happy. I like thinking differently. This is who I am.