Heroes, Celebrity Culture and Aspergers

There is something about this country that I am sure that I’ll never understand. For the last few weeks, the press and other news sources have been obsessed with certain celebrities who have taken out ‘super injunctions’ in order to prevent their misdeeds from becoming public knowledge. Every time I come across such stories I can hear my internal monologue going, “who the hell cares”. If it’s all about protecting free speech then I’m all for it, but if it’s about being able to gossip about celebrities then I really don’t understand. If people spent half the time analysing what they are doing than what others are doing, then the world would be a much better place. I’m not saying that I support these celebrities or what they have done; I’m just saying that people shouldn’t care so much. The resources that go into gossip rags could be far better spent.  Gossip is bad for you. Did you know that if you are speaking negatively about someone (i.e. gossip), then the people listening are likely to associate the negative attributes that you are describing, with you personally (Professor Richard Wiseman). I would rather spend an hour watching cricket that reading a gossip rag. I find cricket infinitesimally boring by the way. I know, I know, a British bloke who doesn’t love cricket: scandalous.

It’s not so much that these magazines etc. are gossiping about people, it’s who they are talking about that really stumps me (a cricketing pun… how far I have sunk…). Now I have a few personal heroes, some of them dead, most still living. Most represent what sort of person that I aspire to be. I don’t follow celebrity culture; in fact I pretty much despise it. I can’t believe that some people idolise celebrities just because they appear in a magazine, in a TV series (I’m looking at you reality TV) or in a film. I can understand admiring movie stars and actors/actresses who are not just a face. I think that Sean Bean is a hero, because despite appearing in high profile films and TV series, he doesn’t do red carpet parties, is very private and is, by all accounts really down to earth. As far as actors go, that’s about it. I love and respect intelligence, not just IQ, but all of the different types of intelligence (e.g. emotional, practical etc.). I also admire those who exhibit qualities that I would like to have. My father is one these; he is tireless in work, kind, tolerant (not a quality that I possess, but one I wish that I did have) and calm under fire. If I could be half the man that my father is then I would be content. I know that a son idolising his father is clichéd, but I sincerely mean it. I idolise Ray Mears for his immense wisdom and practical skills and Bear Grylls for his ‘can do’ attitude.

 I’m sure that you’ve heard the saying “never meet your heroes”, if you do then you will surely be disappointed. Well I have met a few of my heroes (obviously I’ve met my dad) and I’m yet to be disappointed. Sometimes I have even been pleasantly surprised as when I met Cristina Scabbia and Lacuna Coil (coincidentally I’m listening to them while writing this). They came across as being really down to earth and generally warm and welcoming. Cristina was absolutely lovely despite my being far too nervous to say anything more than ‘hi’. That was, despite the immense stress and anxiety beforehand, a day I’ll remember. Aside from this particular case, I’m rarely awe inspired when meeting famous people (through my parents mostly, I’m far too anti-social to on my own). I think that it’s because I’m an Aspie that I just see them as another human being. Title or filmography mean very little to me. I try and judge people based on what I personally see rather than what I’ve heard. I don’t want to know everything about my heroes; I just don’t care, just as I wouldn’t want them to know everything about me. I think that this links to Aspies’ rigid sense of morality; I think it immoral to gossip or dig for dirt. I guess that this can be counted as another positive aspect of Aspergers. Score one Aspies!   

Internal Conflict and the Aspie Mind

Sometimes I feel like I have several different people living in my head. No, I don’t have split personality disorder or Schizophrenia. They don’t speak to me or tell me to do stuff, well, at least not directly. Everybody experiences this, not just me and not just Aspies. It is an important part of the human consciousness and is vital to our perception of free will. Imagine that you are presented with a cake. Looks delicious doesn’t it. It even has your favourite filling; cooked to perfection. You can smell its sweet aroma wafting into your nostrils, exciting your taste buds, making you salivate. But wait, it looks incredibly fattening and unhealthy! What about your cholesterol levels. Could you eat it all without feeling sick? You can probably imagine these thoughts racing through your mind. Do you eat the cake or do you resist the temptation. If you do chose to eat it, then how much do you think that you can eat without feeling too bad about it? Could you maybe go for a run tomorrow to make up for it? It’s a tough decision.

This is internal conflict. Your non-physical being (i.e. your mind) consists almost entirely of constant internal conflict. We don’t even realise that these battles are going on as for the most part they take place in our sub-conscious. Every time you decide to do something, your mind experiences a miniature battle between the do and don’t do factions. Even doing something as insignificant as lifting your finger can cause internal conflict. Studies by Benjamin Libet and Sirigu et. al, have revealed increased brain activity in people at least a second before they became aware that they were going to move. Most of the time we are not even aware that it is happening.

However, it is more disruptive to our lives when consciously experienced, as can be demonstrated by the cake example. I often wonder if Aspies experience it more than NT’s. I am often aware of conflict between the ‘normal’ biological part of me and the physical manifestation of my Aspergers (I’d say that I’m about 30% ‘normal, 70% Aspie, if that makes any sense). I have already described two situations where this is apparent. I experience love, but rationally speaking, pursuing a relationship would irresponsible due to my inability to handle change very well. My special interest in Japan conflicted with my dislike and fear of travel. I love certain bands, but going to see them play live involves a great deal of trouble, so I can only do it in special circumstances. The ancient Greeks had an excellent way of describing the human mind. They said that the mind is a chariot pulled by two horses: passion and rationality. Quite often they want different things and when they do, they pull in two different directions. You can imagine what happens to the chariot. As I have said above, I believe that my being an Aspie means that my rational horse is stronger that my passion horse. Logic usually wins in my internal conflicts, but that is not to say that they are always one-sided. As in the case of my SI in Japan, these fights can cause a great deal of destruction before one side wins. It seems that a great deal of the emotional and physical turmoil that I feel as an Aspie comes from such internal conflict and maybe it’s the same for other Aspies. All I know is that it is natural and I just have to grit my teeth and bear it. Everything comes with a price.    

P.S. If you are interested in the relationship between free will and the sub-conscious, then I would thoroughly recommend ‘Incognito: The Secret Lives of the Brain’, by David Eagleman.

On Being a British Aspie

I love Britain. For all its flaws I don’t think that I could think of a better place to live. That’s not a slight on any other country; I’m just proud to live where I do. Pride usually involves a certain degree of chauvinism, but as I have already mentioned, I love other countries too. To be something of a patriot doesn’t have to involve xenophobia or even arrogance. People all too often seem to confuse these emotions and patriotism can get incredibly ugly. I am aware of my country’s flaws and I accept that things could be done better. I have studied British history extensively and I am well aware that we, as a nation have made mistakes. To forget them would be foolish, but to dwell on them would be just as bad.

The Queen’s visit to Ireland filled me with pride. Finally, both nations are starting to look forward rather than back. I can’t apologise for what my predecessors did and neither should I take the blame. The Real IRA campaign is something that I have never fully understood. Ireland is an independent republic now. Northern Ireland chose, under democratic conditions, not to join that republic. They could opt out of the UK at any time they choose, so why is the rest of the being involved in their bombing campaign. The UK government has no real say in Irish matters, so why are we being dragged into it. I grew up with the ‘troubles’ and the possibility of being blown up by IRA bombs. I remember asking my dad when I was little, why the IRA would want to blow people like me up: what did I ever do to them. I understand that one man’s terrorist is another’s freedom fighter, but there is absolutely no excuse for violence against innocent and unarmed people. That is defined as murder. Try and morally justify it from a rational point of view and I’ll bet you can’t. Even when nations attack civilians it is universally condemned. Alex Salmond’s plans to dissolve the Union worry me. I love Britain and I don’t want to see it fall apart. Both sides of the argument have merit, but as Abraham Lincoln once said, ‘a house divided against itself cannot stand’. Together the countries that make up the Union form something greater than the sum of its parts. Individually, they amount to small, insignificant countries. As you can imagine from this argument, I like the European Union. I wouldn’t go for Britain’s full economic integration (the problems that the Eurozone is facing now demonstrates why better than I could), but I believe that many nations working together to form something great is how the world should be run. Until humanity realises that we are all the same species, I guess that the EU is a reasonable goal to work towards.

I’ve been told by ‘foreign friends’ that I am exactly what they expected all Brits to be like, so I guess I am a stereotypical Brit (that we all have bad teeth is a myth). I still don’t know whether to take it as a compliment or not. I think it is because Brits are supposed to be polite (I try), love tea (green for me!) and be emotionally and physically reserved; this plays right into an Aspies’ hands. Add into that equation my home county’s reputation for its people to speak their mind and you have a haven for an Aspie.

With regards to being an Aspie, I am very lucky to live in Britain where it is understood and accepted. In many third world nations it seems to either be ignored or treated as something to be ashamed of. Even in some developed countries it is only just starting to be recognised. Until recently it was treated as if it was leprosy in South Korea, though things seem to be picking up. Who knows how Aspies are treated in North Korea: I hate to imagine. The NHS, despite all of the negative publicity that it gets, is actually pretty good. My local hospital is one of the best in the country (lucky me again), and the local surgeries and services also perform well above the national average. Half of my life I have had some form of counselling or therapy, the vast majority on the NHS and in my experience, they have been pretty good. When I was diagnosed with Aspergers in my later teenage years, my local adolescent clinic agreed to keep seeing me until I could find an adult service, even though I was over the age limit. Prescriptions are cheaper than they would be under private health care, which is important to me because I am likely to be on my medication for the rest of my life. I also have a good GP who is very understanding; even if he is not entirely knowledgeable on Aspergers. Specialist NHS services for mental health issues are run well even if they mostly rely on cognitive behavioural therapy (or CBT). In my experience of the NHS, the top may be slightly messed up, but the people on the ground are hardworking and dedicated. If you need to, you can also gain access to private healthcare and there are many excellent services dedicated to ASD in the UK, as well as charitable organisations and support systems in schools and universities. For the record, the university that I went to had an excellent support network for students, without which I would certainly have struggled.

Britain is also geographically stable. I can’t imagine having to live with deadly weather features such as those tornadoes currently sweeping the US mid-west. To have all that you own including your home picked up and smashed to pieces right before your eyes must be devastating. To see your world come crashing down around you like the Japanese did earlier this year would also take a lot of strength to survive. Being an Aspie, I love stability and if I found myself in the above situations I don’t know how I would cope. The most I have to cope with in terms of weather is the changing of the seasons, which I perversely kind of love. Cold and frosty mornings in winter and misty morn’s in the summer cannot be beaten. I must admit that I even love the rain. Coming back from a family holiday in Spain where there was no rain the whole time made it all the sweeter. Contrary to popular belief, it doesn’t rain all the time in Britain, though it depends on season and location as for how much you actually get.

I love Britain and I believe that I have been very lucky to be born here. As such I feel no need to wait impatiently for wanderlust to affect me. I am content where I am.

SI and Me (or SImon if you Will)

I have put off revealing my SI until now for one very good reason: once I start talking about it, I find it very hard to stop. Even though the more rational side of me understands that other people find it utterly boring, I just couldn’t help myself. Now that I’m older and wiser, I find it easier to look for clues that the other person is trying to either escape or throttle me (an over-exaggeration, now I can usually pick up on their thoughts before it comes to that). Usually however, I just don’t ever mention it, unless of course it is brought up by the other party. I guess that over time, I have learnt empathy.

One of my most important mantras is that if you don’t like it done to you, don’t do it to others or treat others as you expect to be treated. Well, I can’t stand it when people I know (who I am almost certain have Aspergers) go on and on about something that interests me about as much as the salt content of bird droppings. I stand there nodding and making various sounds that suggest interest, but inside I am looking for a way out (and a way to regain that time lost). Gradually I realised that I was doing that to others, which meant that I now try not to get drawn into my SI. I guess that this kind of empathy comes naturally to NT’s, but I had to put a great deal of effort into knowing when not to bore people with my passion. Bearing these lessons in mind, I am going to try and keep my SI under control in this blog, though due to its nature, it has already well and truly permeated the entire blog. Well, here goes…

I actually have several SI’s. This seems to be unusual in those with Aspergers. None of the literature on Aspergers mentions multiple SI’s. Usually an Aspie will have one subject that consumes them and upon which they focus all of their energy. I used to have one SI: Japan. Sadly that one got me into a lot of trouble. I loved Japanese culture and in fact pretty much everything about the country. However, I have already mentioned that I don’t like travel (except under certain circumstances, but that’s complicated). You can probably already see where I am going with this. Actually getting there caused me a great deal of internal conflict and led to the emotional equivalent of a stroke. For me that tainted the whole thing and for a while I couldn’t even thing about it. I still have a soft spot for Japan, but it is nowhere near an SI.

After that turmoil, I didn’t have an SI for about a month, and let me tell you now, that was a really unpleasant experience. It was like I was like being without sight. It just felt wrong. Without something to pour my passion into I felt utterly lost. I had nothing to retreat into when things inevitably got tough. You can’t force an SI; essentially you have to let it find you. I was still cautious about being destroyed by an SI, until I remembered something that I learnt in economic s at school. The concept of ‘risk bearing economies’ is essentially that you shouldn’t put all of your eggs in one basket. If you drop that basket then you have no eggs for tea. If you put them in many, then one dropped means that you still have some. Well I applied that theory to my SI’s, as well as other parts of my life. Now, whenever something really interests me, I fully explore it (like an SI) but I divvy up my time between many subjects. One is Psychology, especially the human mind and how it can be read. This is actually a very useful SI as it helps me to deal with society and people, an area that Aspies are by nature, deficient in. Another SI is history. I absolutely love it, though I’m not going to specify which parts as I could go on forever. I would also classify bushcraft skills as an SI. Finally, I love learning about the world and its different cultures. This one is done with a great deal of caution; it is almost entirely theoretical rather than practical. One day I might get struck by wanderlust, but for now I am simply content to absorb knowledge indirectly.

I really must stop now before I get sucked into the giant, tumbling snowball that are my SI’s. That’s probably the best way to describe an Aspie’s SI. It gains momentum, an unstoppable goliath, absorbing all of the time, energy and focus that cross its path. If it is stopped, it causes a great deal of damage. Personally, I’m happy jumping between several and I have more than enough zeal for them.

The Man Himself

The entire time that I have known that I had Aspergers I don’t think that I’ve ever stopped to consider its history. Aspergers is one of the main factors in determining who I am and as such plays an important role in my life. If you had asked me about why it is called Aspergers I don’t think that until now I would have been able to say much more than “it was named after this bloke called Asperger. I’m surprised that I haven’t studied this subject before. So, realising this the other day, I determined to learn a bit more about the man behind the syndrome.

Hans Asperger was born on the 18^th of February 1906 close to what is now the capital of Austria, Vienna (the 18^th of February is widely recognised as International Asperger’s day). It turns out that Hans Asperger was himself an Aspie: he had trouble making and keeping friends and had an almost obsessive interest in the Austrian poet Franz Grillpazer. Eventually though, his interest seems to have shifted to medicine and he attained his doctorate in 1931. After a brief stint running a children’s clinic, he moved to a psychiatric clinic in Leipzig. This must have been a particularly stressful time for him as like me he hated travel. Not long after the move, he published his famous 1944 paper outlining what we know today as Asperger’s Syndrome. Unlike Leo Kanner’s work at the same time on Autism, Asperger considered Aspies to high-functioning. In other words, Asperger’s had far more positive attributes than other parts of the ASD. Indeed, Asperger fought for the safety of children with Asperger’s during the Nazi policy of eugenics. He argued that they had a lot to offer society.

Ultimately, Asperger’s work did not lead to widespread recognition until 46 years after his first paper on it was published and the year after his death. In one of the great ironies of the Second World War allied bombing destroyed his lab and most of his notes. Unable to continue his work, Hans Asperger and his syndrome faded into obscurity. Although remembered in Austria, they didn’t reach the English speaking world, partly due to his dislike of travel and partly due to the nature of world events at the time (A world War and Cold War tend to distract people from the important things in life).

However, in 1981, Aspergers finally gained a foothold in psychology, thanks primarily to the work Lorna Wing MD. FRCPsych (I have no idea what the latter title means; sounds like a Starbucks drink) and a founder of the National Autistic Society. Before then, Aspies were just lumped together with others on the ASD, which lead to problems with diagnosis and ‘treatment’. After his rediscovery, it took another decade for Asperger and his syndrome to gain worldwide recognition.

We still don’t have a full understanding of Aspergers and it could do with more recognition, but we are slowly getting there. Hopefully Aspies around the world will receive the diagnosis that could help them to live their lives fully and receive the level of care that they need. Ignorance helps no one and in the case of Aspergers, it certainly isn’t bliss. It is a shame that Hans Asperger died in 1980, aged 74. We have a lot to thank him for.       

                                                            Hans Asperger: 1906-1980

More Incredible Aspies

I have already produced a list of people who were very likely to have been Aspies, and so far it seems to be the most popular post. I guess that it is because it is very inspiring to hear about people who have the same ‘problems’ who have managed to excel in their life. Granted, not all of them lived happy lives, but I believe that that is because they lived in a time before Aspergers was as widely known or understood as it is now. There is more that can be done to increase awareness, but I feel very lucky to live in the current era. Whilst reading through Succeeding in College with Asperger Syndrome, by John Harpur et al. I came across some more interesting individuals who have been identified as probable Aspies. On a side note, the above book is an excellent one and though it came a little too late for me, it did provide a lot of useful information and advice that helped me to get through university. I would recommend taking a look at a copy. Digression aside, here are some of the better cases that they present.

Again, the focus is very much on science and maths, which is no surprise as it is an area in which Aspies generally excel. I hasten to add that this is not the case for all Aspies. I was always terrible at maths and physics and I’m pretty sure that I suffer from dyscalculia (like dyslexia, only involves learning problems with numbers) which I inherited from my mum. Thanks a bunch mum. I was good at biology, but due to an almost complete lack of interest on my part, virtually useless at chemistry (probably because of the almost mathematical nature of the periodic table). Well these individuals suffered no such flaws. Ever heard of a man named Charles Darwin? Something to do with monkeys right? Or was he the one who fought the pope on top of the Notre Dame whilst simultaneously playing a Ukulele? Joking aside, the man was responsible for kick starting the theory of evolution as opposed to creationism. Regardless of your own personal stance on the matter, I am certain that you’d agree that that involved a huge amount of obsessive note taking, observation and perseverance. Harpur et al. have suggested that this is due to his work being an SI. If you’ve ever looked at genetics, you’ll have probably come across Gregor Mendel. He was the Austrian monk who bred pea plants in order to prove the existence of and study genetics. He was also apparently an Aspie. Another Aspie scientist who surprised me was Nikola Tesla, who was instrumental in discovering innovative applications of electricity (ever heard of the Tesla Coil?).

Another area where Aspies seem to excel is in music. I play the guitar, but that’s about it for me. Mozart, Bela Bartok and Erik Satie are all thought to have been Aspies. Harpur et al. give their rejection of contemporary thinking and the immense amount of innovation in their works as the main, though not only, reason why they are considered to have been Aspies.

There are so many more incredible Aspies out there, and I hope to find even more examples of Aspies who excel. I was genuinely surprised by a few of the names both in this list and the one before. Whenever I start to feel limited by my ‘curses’, I always think of them and what they achieved. I know that I’ll never reach their respective levels of genius, but it’s nice to think that I have the potential.