Overcoming neurological limitations

One of the most noticeable ‘symptoms’ of Aspergers is an almost total inability to spot and translate body language. As a teenager I had absolutely no idea about it and it got me into trouble when social situations required it. I had a crush on a girl at school and could not see that she wasn’t interested. It didn’t lead to charges of harassment or anything like that, but looking back, I can now see that she was uncomfortable around me. For that, I am truly sorry. When I was later diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome, I finally realised just how bad at reading other people I was and that it presented me with a serious disadvantage in life. Looking back at incidents like the one above did lead to me swearing that I would do my best to be at least as good as NT men at reading body language. 

I started by asking my mum to explain how it was done and picked up a few pointers. However, I needed more than just a few tips; I wanted a life skill. So I scoured the internet for the best books on body language. Having read reviews on more than a dozen, I finally decided to buy five or six for some serious reviewing of my own. In the end, one in particular stood out: ‘The Definitive Book of Body Language’ by Alan and Barbara Pease. It was the most clear and concise out of all of the books that I read through and is still something of a bible to me that I occasionally flick through to refresh my memory. In absorbing the lessons, my Aspergers actually proved quite useful. As I have said before, I was aware of my complete lack of skill in the subject and that gave me the drive to really work at it. As it was an area I found especially interesting, it became one of my SI’s. 

After many years of practice and observation I am pleased to say that I am actually better at reading body language than about 95% of the male population. That is not too hard as most of us blokes are pretty useless at it anyway. But a bloke with Aspergers is practically comatose. In fact, according to psychological tests that I have participated in, I am actually better at reading body signals that 60% of women. I am not boasting about it; I am just trying to show that we Aspies can overcome our limitations to such an extent that they become strengths. It was never a natural skill due to neurological differences between Aspies and NT’s, but due to practice, it has become almost natural. It really is an area where practice does make perfect. I would absolutely recommend that every Aspie try to learn about body language, because without it we face a serious disadvantage in the world.

     

ASD's and Homo sapiens

I came across an interesting piece of information this week that gave me such a boost that I thought that I’d share it with you. I love science and technology, but don’t have a degree or doctorate in either. So I like to read science magazines. I occasionally read New Scientist and American Scientist, but since half of those particular publications are devoted to job columns, it seems rather a waste of money. Instead I opt for a slightly more eclectic and mainstream magazine: BBC Focus. I love it so much that I even bought a subscription, which for me is very rare. Anyway, I digress from the point of this post, which is to pass on an interesting piece of knowledge. 

                                                                 This month's Focus

This month Focus did an article on the evolution of hominids, titled ‘Last man standing ‘. The author examined the relationship between Homo sapiens, Homo erectus, Homo floresiensis and Neanderthals. Why did Homo sapiens survive and even thrive, when the others became extinct (or did they all? Read the article!). One of the reasons given was our ability to form special skills thanks to autism. It is believed that ASD’s were not present in the other groups of hominids and whilst the others stagnated from a cultural and technological perspective, the presence of ASD’s in Homo sapiens allowed greater diversity and progress in these areas (just look at the ‘Incredible Aspies’ post for evidence to support this). I was already aware of the role that ASD’s played in the evolution of man, but it was such a lift to learn about how important they might have been in humanity’s survival where others failed.

If you are interested, here is the BBC’s Focus website:http://sciencefocus.com/  

And you can subscribe here: http://sciencefocus.com/subscribe

Changes...

Finally, I have some time to write! I have just completed my first full week back at work and my first full week with the new guy and a different atmosphere. All that I can say with any certainty is that it has been a week of change. To me it feels like everything has changed. I know that it has not, but it is a feeling deep in my gut that cannot be shifted with any amount of logic or rationalising. The new guy is alright; indeed we share a lot of the same taste in music and computer games. However that represents a greater danger to me than if we were completely unalike: I need to keep my work and home life absolutely separate and that just makes it harder. I worry constantly that he will try and involve me outside of work, which I can understand is normal for NT’s, but undesirable to me. The moment work and ‘play’ bleed together, as they did back when I was at school, then I cannot cope.  

A large part of me mourns the loss of the life I have lost. Just under two years with little major change in my life represents something of a golden age. No matter what I do, I cannot go back to what once was; I can only remember it fondly. That in a way helps me to deal with the change. It is a point in time that I can use as an anchor; a way to almost instantly calm my nerves, even if it is at the cost of a little depression. Mindfulness too helps. Focusing on the moment rather than the wider world helps me a great deal. I now have to focus upon enjoying the little things when I can. For me that usually involves bushcraft and nature. They embody something of a mental escape route when things start to get a little too much. The kind of calm and sense of peace that I can achieve when using mindfulness in times of change is greater than when everything is stable. Whilst I am less in control of my life, I am more in control of my mind and body. 

                                                 The key to my mindfulness technique.  

                                                 © Stephen Horncastle (SC: google images)

I still miss being away, though I think that it may be down to my perceiving it as a simpler time, before the changes occurred rather than my catching wanderlust. Who knows though, I might be wrong. Perhaps more self-analysis will reveal more.

Tea!!!

I have finally found a song that expresses my love of a mug of tea!

Genius!...

Work and my Aspie mind

It’s my first day back at work after my hol's, and my drops three bombshells on me. I say bombshells, but at the time they felt more like nuclear warheads. First, I have to continue doing overtime until around September because the colleague who lost some of his fingers isn’t back yet. Which is fair enough, he can’t help that; but it still came as something of a nasty surprise. I was after all told and expecting that I would be able to split my time again. It just seems like the date of my release from non-normality keeps getting pushed further and further back. I keep thinking “when will this end”? The second warhead was that we are doing an exhibition, which means that I am going to be under a lot of pressure from deadlines on top of doing extra time. The third and possibly the most serious was that we would be getting a ‘new guy’. To me that completely changes the entire nature of the workplace. Worse, he lives along my commute and can’t drive, so I was asked if I can give him a lift every day. Of course I didn’t really have a choice. My commute used to be time with just my thoughts, and now it is going to be small talk, at least at first. Being stuck in a car for an hour a day with a relative stranger is not my idea of fun.

Only time will tell if it turns out as badly as every bone in my body says it will. He seems alright, but I am worried that he won’t understand that I don’t ‘hang-out’ after work and am not interested in meeting his mates; even if he thinks that I will like them. I’ve been in that situation too many times before to be pleased. I think that I will disclose my ‘disorder’ at the first opportunity and hope that he understands that I am something of a loner. Besides, the average age of my friends is about in the late forties and he is a lot younger than that. I am more than happy to work with him, just don’t expect me to socialise after hours. 

                                            An accurate representation of how I feel right now!

Right now I’m just trying to enjoy the little things in order to cope with these changes. An early night with a good book, watching some good documentaries, a little consumer therapy (for gadgets, music etc. not clothes or shoes); these are ways to take my mind off of my problems and the depression that I can feel lurking in the shadows.

Back again and baffled?

Well, I’m back from three weeks (very lucky me) in the Med. Three weeks of nothing resembling work, no early mornings, no commute. Three weeks to read and think. I remembered how much I hate airports. Maybe it’s my OCD peeking through, but they are always so grotty; even the planes. There is a coating of stickiness on everything. I had a shower before I left and I felt compelled to have another when I got home. That combined with being in a room/plane so crammed with people that you can actually smell them, makes traveling pretty stressful. I tried the lager/cinnamon/ginger remedy, and if you aren’t sick when drinking it, it works quite well. A valerian capsule before leaving helped with the anxiety.

Once there however, I started to relax. I didn’t take my mobile (I hate mobiles as I’m sure I’ve already said), so I was effectively cut off from the world. It was terrific. It always seems like my world shrinks on holiday and with it my worries. That’s not to say that I was completely relaxed all of the time I was out there; there were some social obligations as family friends were also out there, but I did manage to reduce my blood pressure enough so that there wasn’t a risk of my head exploding. I guess the sun helped lift my spirits as well. I’m not a sun worshiper; far from it (I’m more of a colder climbs man myself), but it does help the body to release mood lifting hormones. Let’s face it, it seems that you have to go abroad to find sunshine if you’re British.

All in all I think that this summer’s holiday was a success. Managing to relax for even five minutes is pretty rare for me! I enjoyed being in and around other cultures, and I even got to do a bit of history whilst out there. It’s really weird being back though. That kind of confusion you feel when you were in another country in the morning and then get into your own bed is most disconcerting. Waking up a home is also weird for the first few days. I thought that I would be glad to be going back to work and back into my old routine; but part of me wishes that I was back out there. I know that that is normal for NT’s, but for me it is quite disturbing. I love my home and my home county and I’ve never really wanted to be anywhere else, but now I am longing to be somewhere else. I’m bamboozled, perplexed, mystified and even baffled.