Hello there; Lovely to see you again. I’m truly sorry that I
haven’t posted in quite a while. To be honest I haven’t really been in the mood
as I’ve been battling a touch of depression. The financial situation that my
parents are in has really swept the rug from under my feet, though hopefully
that is starting to look up somewhat. Other than that there are no other major
causes that I can really identify.
My anxiety levels
have fluctuated a bit, not helped by my mother berating me for not liking or
wanting to travel much. Apparently, being happy with where you are is not
alright. Both mum and dad are going skiing over Easter and wanted me to come,
but to be perfectly honest I can’t really be bothered. My reasoning goes as
follows: If I get time off over Easter I want spend it relaxing. Skiing I’d
have to get up early to ski all day, getting back in late in the afternoon,
having a long (and social) dinner before going to bed late; only to wake up
early to go through it all again. That to me is more like work than a holiday.
Whilst I do like skiing, I don’t like it THAT much. Plus there is the stress
and hassle of the traveling there, which I dislike at the best of times. Quite
frankly in this instance it isn’t worth the effort. If it was for something I
wanted to do, then it would be. There are some places that I want to see, such
as Italy, and I am planning a trip with my dad to go there (to prove that I
can).
My dad isn’t fussed by all of this. He seems to accept that
this is who I am and supports me in what makes me happy. In fact the same can
be said of his attitude towards my Autism. My mother on the other hand seems to
go through stages of acceptance and denial. The latter is probably the largest
source of anxiety in my life. If my own mother cannot accept me for who I am
then who else in the world would? I get the feeling that she believes that it
is a curable condition, that by practicing my shortcomings I can overcome them.
As I have said before, practicing does not make something any easier if it is as
biologically engrained as the need to breath.
Where those with autism can develop coping skills, it should be with
support and not through negative reinforcement. If you are the parent of an
autistic child please bear this in mind.
In other news there have been reports to suggest that some
individuals on the autism spectrum can grow out of it:
I am not so sure. I believe that we merely get better at
hiding our troubles. It also depends upon the severity of the condition. I
would be interested to see the details of this study, especially their sample
group and methodology. I certainly do not think that I am growing out of my
condition, merely growing into it. When you are a child you may not have the
skills to cope with issues, but you are sheltered from the harshness of the
world and the social imperatives that accompany adulthood. For me, it has
certainly gotten harder; and I have good support available in the form of my
parents. What terrifies me most is dealing with the opposite sex. I have never
been good at these relationships and the severity of the changes that they
entail has always led me to sabotage those that have developed. For now I am
happy being single and living with my parents; but part of me does eventually
want a family of my own. This however is a problem for the future. Right now I
just want to enjoy the moment.
