Hello Again!

Hello again! Back in January I decided to leave this blog for a month or two just to see if it would help my creativity and make posting seem like less of a chore. The best part of a year later and I finally remember that it’s here AND have the time to write a post. I think that a rewind is in order!

This year started of pretty unremarkably with the life being pretty much the same as it was back in the olden days of 2012. I knew that my (lovingly adopted) German sister was getting married this June back in Germany, but didn’t think that I would have to go (even though a large part of me wanted to it was that age old battle between ambition and ability). Finally in February I committed to going, which would mean a couple of months of worrying about it. By April my mother was doing another one of her “you need to socialise more” pushes; and so I did as little as I could get away with (this time I had neither the ability nor inclination to do it. That she can’t accept the fact that I have never and will never like it was slightly disappointing…). A few uncomfortable dinners later and she forgot that she was trying to push me; which made for a very happy me.

Until that is when work started to dry up in a rather alarming fashion. My hours stared to be cut until I was doing only one day a week and even that was voluntary rather than paid. But hey, I had to keep up with my training and reminding the boss-man that I was useful. So I had to take more and more work in my parents’ business. I keep reminding myself how lucky I am that I have something to fall back on when times get tough and I really do appreciate it. For a while it was quite good working again with all of the people that I grew up with and spent all of my holidays working with.

However, since I had last worked there, there had been some huge changes in the atmosphere. There are five or six departments, four of which I have worked in at some point in my life. The one that I disliked working in the most (for now referred to only as BH) had a senior manager who I had been told was A) a complete tit and B) a bully. I had seen some of this when I had worked there and it was a major contributing factor in my decision to leave that department. I thought it was just me that saw this and so never said anything to my parents. That and I hate playing politics as being Autistic I am always at a disadvantage and somewhat inept at it. However this BH manager was causing a lot of problems for not only those staff under him, but also my new department and its manager. Colleagues kept complaining about him to me hoping (erroneously) that I could get him sacked. I told them all that they had to make a formal complaint if they were having that many problems with him. This started a series of complaints, interviews and reviews that led to nothing happening as it turns out BH manager (BHM) had friends high up in the business that either looked the other way or covered for him in a dishonourable fashion. My mother took it seriously, but my father, the incredibly gentle and forgiving man that he is, was sadly reluctant to do anything. The failure for any action to be taken against BHM meant that he was free to intimidate anyone who spoke out against him (including myself) and led to them either being issued warnings or being forced to quit. I almost issued a formal complaint against him for this, but relented thinking that maybe he had learnt a lesson and would change his ways (did he hell!). I regret that decision because since that date four more people have been bullied out of their jobs. I cannot go into that department anymore and feel ostracised from a large part of my parents’ business.

All of this was happening in the run up to me travelling to Germany for my sister’s wedding. Emotional exhaustion did not help my ability to keep my nerves in check and for most of the departure day I had my head over the loo throwing up my breakfast and anything else that I had eaten or drunk until I was simply retching up bile. That was possibly the lowest point that I have been to for a good few years. However, I did manage to pull myself together enough to go. One overnight ferry trip later and I was in Rotterdam with my parents and travelling through the beautiful, yet flat country of the Netherlands. I did quite enjoy driving through there and Northern Germany. The wedding and the three days of partying that it entailed were highly stressful, yet I was glad that I did it and was able to see my older sister getting married. It was quite an experience with all of the fantastic German beer and food, and I have a great soft spot for the German people who are always so friendly and ready to laugh and have fun.

I was however glad to get that event done and dusted and being back at home was fantastic. That was until I had to attend yet another wedding (luckily very local) for one of my distant Australian cousins, sandwiched in between two very large dinner parties. The first wasn’t too bad, but the wedding and the second party were extremely stressful as I spent them being ‘chased’ by two different women. Afterwards we had my cousins daughter and grand-daughter staying with us and I have a great affection for both of them (and indeed my cousin), and I found their company extremely pleasant and not in the least bit stressful.

The annual holiday to Spain was fantastic (better than last year!) and I was able to relax for three weeks and re-charge my ‘batteries’. I really needed it because this summer was possibly the busiest and most stressful summers of my life (though not the worst as the good times out-weighed the bad).

Getting home proved interesting as just when work was picking up (the other work) again, my boss was involved in a horrific car crash and was seriously injured; though he is recovering now and I am back to full-time again. That was a huge shock and meant that I had to go back to working for my parents (for minimum wage the bloody slave drivers!). My youngest brother also left to go and spend part of his gap year in India which made me feel anxious as I was reminded of my aborted attempt to be ‘normal’ and go travelling in my gap year (one of the worst and darkest years of my life). Then came the news that my older brother had proposed to his long term girlfriend, which was fantastic news (except for the thought of having to attend yet another wedding (I hate those damn things!)) as I love them both dearly and my sister-in-law to be is an absolute peach and they are both incredibly understanding of my mental health issues.

Well, that about sums up my year so far. It’s been at times chaos, anxiety and despair and yet at others hope, happiness and contentment. I just hope that the remainder will be a little quieter!