You'd think that three weeks is a long time. To answer my own question somewhat pedantically, I'd say that it depends on what you are referring to. Three weeks would seem like an age if you had a crippling headache the whole time (more on this later; it is relevant I promise you!). But a three week holiday feels like no time at all. It is however enough time to let my brain turn to mush and to become unbearably lazy; in which case I would say that the whole experience has been a success. I met some new people, some of whom I genuinely liked and I got to know some family friends a little better. Although I was worried about the first week with my brother not being there, it turned out to be the best (I haven't learnt anything from this though!). I found a new favourite Weissbier: Fransiskaner Dunkel. I've grown a beard I (I am still considering whether or not to get rid of it). I read a ton of books, finally catching up on a lot of science fiction that I have been meaning to read all year. Those are the good things to come out of this holiday. The bad thing is that somehow I have developed a sinus infection and have had to go on antibiotics as soon as I got bad (that was the source of the three week headache).
However even that could not detract from the experience and I would say that this year was better than last. Coming back on the plane experienced a moments utter serenity as I gazed at the sight of the setting sun over the Mediterranean Sea, the glowing reflection that it cast along the rivers of Aquitaine and Poitou-Charentes and finally the delicate silver clouds floating lazily over the night-time landscape of Britain. Moments of peace such as these do not come along very often for me, be when they do I allow myself to be fully absorbed by them. I guess that since they are so rare, I feel them more than I should. Still, now that I am back in the real world I really need to get my body and mind back up to speed, which means working out to get fit and catching up on some of the latest developments in my SI's and drinking large quantities of caffeine... again.
Tuesday, 14 August 2012
Tuesday, 17 July 2012
Aspergers and Tolerance
Aspie's have something of a bad reputation when it comes to tolerance for others. Sadly and I can say this from personal experience (both of myself and other Aspies that I have met) that this is somewhat deserved. Truthfully (and I'm not proud to admit this) I have very little time for people who don't interest me, luckily though people generally do. I don't suffer fools lightly and this sometimes makes me come across as arrogant. It is one of the reasons I do not get along very well with my younger sister. Her concerns often seem trivia. She quite often comes out with ridiculously stupid logic, especially when she is angry (her dog ran away chasing a rabbit so "someone else should shoot all of the rabbits to stop it happening again" was one of her finer moments). As I said, we Aspies can be very intolerant.
However, in many ways we are far more tolerant of some things than NT's. Take for example racism and xenophobia. I don't judge people on their race or where they come from because such factors mean nothing to me when meeting people. If anything it just makes them interesting. Many of my fellow Brits seem to distrust the Argentinians because of the Falklands conflict. This I don't understand. Surely it is a dispute between our two governments not between all Brits and all Argentinians. The same goes for the IRA. I don't dislike all Irish people because of the actions of a small minority as some seem to. If I have a problem with another country's foreign policy I blame the government not the people. To paint everyone in the same colour seems like madness. The same goes for the different religions, classes, education etc. When I meet people I judge them as individuals, something that seems to be common amongst Aspies.
However, in many ways we are far more tolerant of some things than NT's. Take for example racism and xenophobia. I don't judge people on their race or where they come from because such factors mean nothing to me when meeting people. If anything it just makes them interesting. Many of my fellow Brits seem to distrust the Argentinians because of the Falklands conflict. This I don't understand. Surely it is a dispute between our two governments not between all Brits and all Argentinians. The same goes for the IRA. I don't dislike all Irish people because of the actions of a small minority as some seem to. If I have a problem with another country's foreign policy I blame the government not the people. To paint everyone in the same colour seems like madness. The same goes for the different religions, classes, education etc. When I meet people I judge them as individuals, something that seems to be common amongst Aspies.
Saturday, 14 July 2012
Keeping Calm
I must confess that for the last week I have been quietly fighting a sense of panic that threatens to turn into a full blown panic attack. What is causing this? Sadly I have no idea. I have been doing a lot of internalisation, trying to figure out the root of it, but without luck. It seems like the smallest incidences set off these feelings of anxiety, the likes of which I usually only experience before an important social event. Writing down my musing on the subject should help me to externalise possible causes and therefore examine them in more detail.
The most likely source of anxiety that I can think of is that in about a weeks time I will be going on holiday with my parents and youngest brother. I usually feel a little anxious before the annual holiday (or indeed travel of any kind) but never normally this bad or for this long. It probably doesn't help that my other younger brother (K) isn't coming for the first (and most important due to social duties) week. Whilst I love all of my brothers, K is probably the one that I am closest to. He knows me better than anyone else in the family and I share more of my problems with him than I do my parents. He also keeps me calm for reasons that I do not fully understand though I suspect that it is due to a shared humour, his knowledge about me, and the fact that he is a extrovert and so helps me through social situations. He won't be there for only one week, so that shouldn't be the source of all off this nervous energy.
The first time I noticed that I was more tightly strung than usual was when somebody who I don't know well enough asked me for some contact details. That always causes me to have a mini panic attack, but that was about a week ago and it shouldn't last this long. Besides, in this particular incidence I wasn't too bothered about possibly giving them due to their limited nature (they don't breach too many 'compartments' in my compartmentalised world).
It could be the lack of sunlight and the generally gloomy weather that we have been having in the UK that is negatively affecting my mood and hormone production. Sunlight has been proven to have a large impact on human health and during the winter months people can suffer from the ironically named SAD, or Seasonal Affective Disorder. It could be that, but I have been using a SAD light on the grimmest days.
Another possibility is diet, but I have been eating very healthily with most food groups covered in my diet and missing no major vitamins or minerals. I have also started taking vitamin B complex in an effort to boost my energy levels and mood; though the science is sketchy at best about the extent to which this can help.
The future seems no more terrifying than it usually is. I am fairly secure in my job as work seems to be picking up again after a long quiet spell. I am being given an increasing amount of responsibility, but that causes a good kind of stress at being challenged. There has been no change in my (lack of) any kind of marital/relationship status, which would be the stress equivalent of a supernova, so everything is peaceful on that front.
I have been sleeping better than usual for this time of year due to the cooler temperatures at night and the fact that I bought a fan to keep me cool, so it cannot be due to a lack of sleep. It could be partly due to me being a little exhausted by work, which is why I am kind of looking forward to the holiday.
It could quite easily be a combination of all of these factors that is making me so highly strung. I haven't really had time to metaphorically 'sit down and take stock'. I guess that I should try to get back to the basics of my life and focus on the things that bring me an almost primeval sense of comfort, for example bushcraft or one of my SI's. Rule number 32: Enjoy the little things.
The most likely source of anxiety that I can think of is that in about a weeks time I will be going on holiday with my parents and youngest brother. I usually feel a little anxious before the annual holiday (or indeed travel of any kind) but never normally this bad or for this long. It probably doesn't help that my other younger brother (K) isn't coming for the first (and most important due to social duties) week. Whilst I love all of my brothers, K is probably the one that I am closest to. He knows me better than anyone else in the family and I share more of my problems with him than I do my parents. He also keeps me calm for reasons that I do not fully understand though I suspect that it is due to a shared humour, his knowledge about me, and the fact that he is a extrovert and so helps me through social situations. He won't be there for only one week, so that shouldn't be the source of all off this nervous energy.
The first time I noticed that I was more tightly strung than usual was when somebody who I don't know well enough asked me for some contact details. That always causes me to have a mini panic attack, but that was about a week ago and it shouldn't last this long. Besides, in this particular incidence I wasn't too bothered about possibly giving them due to their limited nature (they don't breach too many 'compartments' in my compartmentalised world).
It could be the lack of sunlight and the generally gloomy weather that we have been having in the UK that is negatively affecting my mood and hormone production. Sunlight has been proven to have a large impact on human health and during the winter months people can suffer from the ironically named SAD, or Seasonal Affective Disorder. It could be that, but I have been using a SAD light on the grimmest days.
Another possibility is diet, but I have been eating very healthily with most food groups covered in my diet and missing no major vitamins or minerals. I have also started taking vitamin B complex in an effort to boost my energy levels and mood; though the science is sketchy at best about the extent to which this can help.
The future seems no more terrifying than it usually is. I am fairly secure in my job as work seems to be picking up again after a long quiet spell. I am being given an increasing amount of responsibility, but that causes a good kind of stress at being challenged. There has been no change in my (lack of) any kind of marital/relationship status, which would be the stress equivalent of a supernova, so everything is peaceful on that front.
I have been sleeping better than usual for this time of year due to the cooler temperatures at night and the fact that I bought a fan to keep me cool, so it cannot be due to a lack of sleep. It could be partly due to me being a little exhausted by work, which is why I am kind of looking forward to the holiday.
It could quite easily be a combination of all of these factors that is making me so highly strung. I haven't really had time to metaphorically 'sit down and take stock'. I guess that I should try to get back to the basics of my life and focus on the things that bring me an almost primeval sense of comfort, for example bushcraft or one of my SI's. Rule number 32: Enjoy the little things.
Thursday, 12 July 2012
Valarian: a Case Study
Of all of the herbal remedies that can help to manage anxiety and nervous exhaustion, Valarian or Valeriana officinalis, is definitely one of the more effective that I have come across. It grows wild throughout the UK, Asia and most of North America. It has been used in herbal medicine since at least the time of Hippocrates in the fourth century BC. The famous ancient Greek botanist Dioscorides believed that it was an excellent diuretic as well as being useful in warming the body. During medieval times the herb took on almost mythical properties and was often referred to by the name of "all-heal"; Nicholas Culpeper even went so far as to pronounce it as a cure for the plague.
I seriously doubt that Valerian does cure everything (especially the plague!) but I do know that it promotes sleep and helps to reduce anxiety; something that Culpeper curiously fails to mention. It seems to affect some people more than others, though scientific research has proven its usefulness in treating mild insomnia. It is two groups of chemical compounds in particular that are the focus of efforts to understand the exact mechanisms through which Valerian works: valeric acid and valepotriates.
It is the roots of the plant that are used and can be taken either as a tincture or tea. Many health stores also sell valerian capsules which are certainly the safer than preparing it yourself. An overdose of Valerian would be fatal so extra care must be taken when using it. It can also be mistaken for Red Valerian or Centranthus Ruber, which is not actually part of the same species (although it does have similar medicinal properties according to Jekka McVicar) and it toxic at much smaller doses (I have had the unfortunate effect of taking slightly too much and being poisoned. Not seriously but still not pleasant.).
Although Valerian affects the same set of receptors (GABAA) as benzodiazepines, they are not thought to be addictive or reactant to alcohol. For the best effect I would recommend taking it for short periods of time as I find that the effects lessen with prolonged usage and for a great nights sleep dissolve the contents of a capsule into Camomile tea. Oh, and for goodness sake consult a doctor or trained herbal medicinist before taking it, just to be safe! A word of warning about the smell too. Some people think that it smells like leather, others that it smells like wet dog. You decide, but don't say that I didn't warn you.
For more info I'd recommend:
Jekka McVicar, Jekka's Complete Herb Book (London, 2007).
Steven Foster and Rebecca L. Johnson, National Geographic Desk Reference to Nature's Medicine (Washington, 2006) Probably the most informative book on herbal medicine.
Nicholas Culpeper, Culpeper's Complete Herbal (2009 ed.) (London, 2009).
I seriously doubt that Valerian does cure everything (especially the plague!) but I do know that it promotes sleep and helps to reduce anxiety; something that Culpeper curiously fails to mention. It seems to affect some people more than others, though scientific research has proven its usefulness in treating mild insomnia. It is two groups of chemical compounds in particular that are the focus of efforts to understand the exact mechanisms through which Valerian works: valeric acid and valepotriates.
It is the roots of the plant that are used and can be taken either as a tincture or tea. Many health stores also sell valerian capsules which are certainly the safer than preparing it yourself. An overdose of Valerian would be fatal so extra care must be taken when using it. It can also be mistaken for Red Valerian or Centranthus Ruber, which is not actually part of the same species (although it does have similar medicinal properties according to Jekka McVicar) and it toxic at much smaller doses (I have had the unfortunate effect of taking slightly too much and being poisoned. Not seriously but still not pleasant.).
Although Valerian affects the same set of receptors (GABAA) as benzodiazepines, they are not thought to be addictive or reactant to alcohol. For the best effect I would recommend taking it for short periods of time as I find that the effects lessen with prolonged usage and for a great nights sleep dissolve the contents of a capsule into Camomile tea. Oh, and for goodness sake consult a doctor or trained herbal medicinist before taking it, just to be safe! A word of warning about the smell too. Some people think that it smells like leather, others that it smells like wet dog. You decide, but don't say that I didn't warn you.
For more info I'd recommend:
Jekka McVicar, Jekka's Complete Herb Book (London, 2007).
Steven Foster and Rebecca L. Johnson, National Geographic Desk Reference to Nature's Medicine (Washington, 2006) Probably the most informative book on herbal medicine.
Nicholas Culpeper, Culpeper's Complete Herbal (2009 ed.) (London, 2009).
Wednesday, 20 June 2012
Tuesday, 19 June 2012
Something new...
Just trying out the blogger mobile app. On a break and slightly bored so I thought why not? It means that now I can bore you all from anywhere in the world! Sorry about that... You've got to love technology!
Sunday, 17 June 2012
Post Evening Analysis
I did something that I try to do as little as possible last night (no innuendo please, this is a clean blog!). I attended a dinner party with about one-hundred and seventy people. I only do about one large dinner a year, mostly to keep my parents happy; certainly not for fun. It really is my idea of hell, being stuck next to someone I don't really know for roughly two or three hours whilst trying to eat when my stomach is so tied up in knots that it is a real struggle to digest anything. There is no escape once you've arrived, to leave during a meal would be a severe breach of social etiquette. If I could, I would, but my parents raised me according to strict rules concerning manners, so much so that it is able to keep my natural flight instincts under wraps. That is not to say that these rules are unbreakable, but I'm an Aspie: I love rules, even if I don't entirely understand/agree with them.
This time wasn't so bad I guess though I wouldn't say I enjoyed it. It was more interesting than fun. I used the EMDR and I am pleased to say that it does actually help a little. A bit of mindfulness and I was able to remove some of the more unpleasant physical symptoms of my anxiety. Through a bit of preparation I was able to make plenty of small talk, or at least enough to ensure that the two ladies on either side of me were not bored (a big faux-pas apparently!). I've found that as long as I can get them to do most of the talking then I don't have to do much. I much prefer to listen than talk anyway. You can learn a lot if you listen and offer a supportive and sympathetic view.
These kind of events also provide an excellent opportunity to practice my skills with regards to body language. A room full of hundreds of people socialising is absolutely terrifying to me, but when I can focus on a hundred unspoken conversations, it kind of takes my mind off of it. Now that you can make a game out of. Seeing if you can correctly identify who is attracted to who, who is about to have an argument and who wants to leave like me. All I can say is that I am glad that that is over for a while. I can finally relax after a week and a half of anxiety.
On the sad side I felt something for an individual that I met again for the first time in a while. From her body language I could tell the feeling was mutual. I felt comfortable discussing things with her and actually enjoyed her company. I even admitted to her that I had Aspergers, which makes me feel more comfortable, knowing that it is out in the open. However, I know that I cannot rationally commit to anything resembling a relationship yet; to do so would be highly unfair for the other person as I have more than my fair share of problems. Part of me hopes that I'll see her again, but I left without saying goodbye as I was petrified of having her ask for my number as I (irrationally or rationally?) see that as the start of a commitment to a social relationship. Again, part of me wanted to accept such an outcome, but my fear (and knowledge) of the huge change that it would bring about overruled it. I guess that I didn't know enough about her to know that she would not bring about too much change in my life, and I couldn't risk committing before I knew more. So for the time being I can only imagine 'what if?' again and hope that some day conditions will be more favourable. I have some thinking to do.
This time wasn't so bad I guess though I wouldn't say I enjoyed it. It was more interesting than fun. I used the EMDR and I am pleased to say that it does actually help a little. A bit of mindfulness and I was able to remove some of the more unpleasant physical symptoms of my anxiety. Through a bit of preparation I was able to make plenty of small talk, or at least enough to ensure that the two ladies on either side of me were not bored (a big faux-pas apparently!). I've found that as long as I can get them to do most of the talking then I don't have to do much. I much prefer to listen than talk anyway. You can learn a lot if you listen and offer a supportive and sympathetic view.
These kind of events also provide an excellent opportunity to practice my skills with regards to body language. A room full of hundreds of people socialising is absolutely terrifying to me, but when I can focus on a hundred unspoken conversations, it kind of takes my mind off of it. Now that you can make a game out of. Seeing if you can correctly identify who is attracted to who, who is about to have an argument and who wants to leave like me. All I can say is that I am glad that that is over for a while. I can finally relax after a week and a half of anxiety.
On the sad side I felt something for an individual that I met again for the first time in a while. From her body language I could tell the feeling was mutual. I felt comfortable discussing things with her and actually enjoyed her company. I even admitted to her that I had Aspergers, which makes me feel more comfortable, knowing that it is out in the open. However, I know that I cannot rationally commit to anything resembling a relationship yet; to do so would be highly unfair for the other person as I have more than my fair share of problems. Part of me hopes that I'll see her again, but I left without saying goodbye as I was petrified of having her ask for my number as I (irrationally or rationally?) see that as the start of a commitment to a social relationship. Again, part of me wanted to accept such an outcome, but my fear (and knowledge) of the huge change that it would bring about overruled it. I guess that I didn't know enough about her to know that she would not bring about too much change in my life, and I couldn't risk committing before I knew more. So for the time being I can only imagine 'what if?' again and hope that some day conditions will be more favourable. I have some thinking to do.
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